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Over the past few years in the orphanage, I struggled with a profound lack of desire to live. At one point, I even contemplated ending my life. My mind was filled with self-rejection and a deep-seated hatred for others. Yet, God performs wonders, and I am gradually recovering. For me, H.o.ME has been a source of hope. Looking back, I am grateful to see how God has worked miracles in my life. My brothers and sisters in Christ remind me that I am special and deeply loved, even when I feel like I am nothing. They have made a significant difference in my life through God's grace. Ultimately, it's all part of God's plan. I feel, deep in my heart, that He has never been far from me; He always protects me and walks beside me.
I remember when it was time to leave the orphanage; it was challenging to find someone I could turn to, so I turned to prayer. "God, if you are real, please solve this problem for me!" After some time, I found a place to live and was blessed with wonderful sisters who taught me the difference between right and wrong. With my problems resolved, I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to Him. Living a life of faith is not easy, but I believe it’s far more difficult to live without God. He guides me away from the wrong path and leads me to the right one. I truly believe that God is above all.
I vividly remember the first time I hosted a guest at H.o.ME after leaving the orphanage. I was extremely nervous and felt embarrassed, thinking it would be better to say something to avoid any awkward silence. In fact, I preferred not to host anyone unless I had two mentors with me. Now, it's a joy when a guest visits. I feel much more comfortable engaging in conversations and connecting with them. Back in the orphanage, I didn’t know much about faith, but now I truly appreciate how incredible it is to walk in faith. I've experienced so many wonderful things since then.
Growing up without a family atmosphere or the love of parents, I am now gradually experiencing these feelings at H.o.ME. I am deeply thankful to our Lord for the wonderful work He is doing in my life. I also want to express my gratitude to my mentors. God is accomplishing so much for me through them, and I believe He will continue to do so. In my view, a person without a mentor is like an empty boat that will eventually break down, corrode, and sink in the ocean because there’s no one to steer it. I understand that having a mentor is immensely valuable and beneficial. Therefore, I hope to have a mentor in every area of my life, as I know that I won’t run away from problems with these amazing people by my side. I am confident that I will face more challenges with this family in the future.
Many children and young people lack family support, which can significantly limit their opportunities. Having said that, those living in the orphanage, like me, can still grow and develop in various ways; yet, they often feel lost after leaving, unsure of what to do and where to go. I believe having guidance in their lives is essential. When I left the orphanage, I had no family support at all. I rented an apartment with a friend, but after a few years of moving from place to place, a situation arose that made me feel like a burden, so I left their home. Thankfully, H.o.ME opened its doors to welcome and accept me. Initially, I thought H.o.ME would be just another institutional shelter. However, the longer I stayed, the more I realized that it is a warm place where everyone is treated as equals. Our mentors see us not as beneficiaries but as team members. I have seen and experienced a remarkable difference firsthand. H.o.ME is also a place where I can develop myself, fulfilling a long-held desire. For instance, while living with my friend in a shared apartment, I spent a lot of money on electricity, rent, food, and clothing. Now, without the burden of rent, I can save money for daily necessities. Having my own room provides me with valuable alone time to reflect and think about my life. I remember one night, I returned to my room, sat down, and for the first time in my life, I pondered the questions "Who am I?" and "What is life?" I believe this is a significant part of my self-development.
When I lived in the orphanage, life felt easy because everything was prepared for me. I thought I was knowledgeable and capable of doing anything I wished when I left. However, I now regret not learning more during that time; instead of focusing on education, I mostly just had fun. At first, I struggled to find a job due to my lack of education and professional skills. I encountered options like construction work, which offered better pay but was physically demanding. On the other hand, jobs like waiting tables, bartending, and delivery were less strenuous but paid very little. Without an education, my career choices were severely limited. Fortunately, once I found a stable place to live, I was able to start pursuing my dreams and setting achievable goals. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about preparing for independent living is the value of communication. When I left the orphanage, I was quiet and introverted. Every time I spoke, I felt nervous, confused, and afraid I'd say something wrong. Regardless of your age, it’s essential to learn how to ask questions without embarrassment and to express yourself freely. This is a vital lesson I’ve learned from my two mentors.
For those of us who are homeless or grew up in orphanages, there is no safety net. We barely survive each day after leaving the orphanage. Many of us seek shelter with older brothers or friends, hoping for a temporary solution. Time and again, I've witnessed how quickly kindness can turn into disappointment. I remember spending nights on couches, eventually feeling unwelcome, leading to the painful moment when I was asked to leave, feeling abandoned once again. Finding a place to rent felt like a distant dream, especially when my monthly wages barely covered my basic needs. I tried living in an affordable apartment for a couple of months after graduation, only to realize that it plunged me into instability. It was a relentless cycle of anxiety and fear. Amidst this struggle, I reached out to my mentor and eventually found a true home, a sanctuary. This place offers more than just shelter; it is filled with warmth, personal space, and the companionship of mentors who guide me through life’s complexities. Living at H.o.ME has changed everything. I’ve found a community that believes in me, nurturing my dreams and helping me build a future. This home has become a source of hope, reminding me that even in the darkest moments, there is light to be found. I share my story not only to reflect on my past but to highlight the resilience of those facing similar struggles.